Revised Introduction

In the following blog post I will write a completely new introduction even though I don't really want to. However, writing a new introduction will improve my essay.

Frank-Jurgen, Richard. "Horasis Global China Business Meeting 2009". 9 Nov 2009. Public Domain. 

Original Introduction

Competitions have taken the architectural world by storm. The modern industry has moved on from a traditional hiring process and has now evolved into a highly competitive world where the builders/clients hold a lot of the power. Architectural competitions have positive and negative aspects, and it seems that architects can appreciate both sides of the controversy. Money, time, conceptual aspects, and worries about devaluing the profession are all considered when talking about these competitions. In the article "Why open architecture competitions are good for Architects, a counter argument" from the website ArchDaily, author Karen Cilento acknowledges counter arguments, appeals to values shared by her audience, and uses specific examples such as the Vietnam Memorial to convince her peers of the importance of architecture competitions and their positive impact on creativity and innovation in the workforce. Cilento successfully constructed an argument in which she appears credible; her understanding of her audience and acknowledgement of other's ideas strengthens her viewpoint into a convincing article.

New Introduction

The little known side of the architectural world revolves around competition. It has become increasingly popular for a client to host a competition to hire architects, rather than the client seeking out a specific firm for the job. Architectural competitions have positive and negative aspects appreciated by architects on both sides of the controversy. Money, time, and worries about devaluing the profession are all considered when talking about these competitions. In the article "Why open architecture competitions are good for Architects, a counter argument" from the website ArchDaily, author Karen Cilento acknowledges counter arguments, appeals to values shared by her audience, and uses specific examples such as the Vietnam Memorial to convince her peers of the importance of architecture competitions and their positive impact on creativity and innovation in the workforce. Cilento successfully constructed an argument in which she appears credible; her understanding of her audience and acknowledgement of other's ideas strengthens her viewpoint into a convincing article.

My new introduction is an improvement upon my old introduction because I have made my sentences more clear. Additionally, I have created a better hook by mentioning the "little known" side of architecture, which can be intriguing to readers, especially my audience of new architecture students. I also focus on what I will discuss in the body of my analysis and I convey very clearly the main idea.